Searching for the roots of my sarcasm

I was emailing an ex-girlfriend of mine today and I asked her a question. I wanted to know if I was sarcastic back when we dated 6 years.

Seems lately that my "American" sarcasm is not only getting me in trouble with my non-American friends, but also to the people I really do love and care about like my close friends and family. See recently I've been joking around with my sister about her birthday party which she is very passionate about. Well as I joked that I don't want to go if we aren't doing fun stuff, she started to cry. I later had to apologize for the situation and that made me think about the last few months where the same situation kept rising up particularly with my German girlfriend. My girlfriend didn't understand my jokes and we quite frequently spat about whether I was joking or being serious.

One of my best friends says that I've been sarcastic for sometime. I asked this Chicagoan mother, as of when, and she responded...oh when I started working for the bank. To clarify this, I asked a person I knew right before I started working for the bank. My ex-. So I asked my ex-girlfriend the question if I was sarcastic back then. Though it's been many years since we've been in each other's presence, she couldn't recall, but mentioned that she may have been sarcastic back then, and maybe some of it rubbed off on me. I mentioned to her that my friend said it was since we had broken up, which again is the same time I started working at the bank. No big deal right?

Rightfully so my ex- was upset, not that I was bugging her, but she felt how people will past judgement on you even if they don't know you. Well as one of many -isms that I have made throughout the years is to never past judgement unless you hear it from the horses mouth and you know the person personally. We can always make our assumptions on why people break up, but that's what it all is. Just assumptions. And mistakes.

What I really felt and should of said was that maybe my friend was wrong and my sarcasm probably didn't surface to it's full strength until a few months later after my ex- and I broke up. But I didn't and so she was mad upset at my friend who could be thinking that because we were broken up it changed me.

Well according to another closer friend who knew me before, during, and after my relationship with my ex-, I haven't changed nor am as sarcastic now as I was before. It must be just a part of my personality that people, particularly non-American girlfriends have to deal with.

So if you are reading this the beautiful, smart and talented ex- and blogger...I just want to say it's not your fault, nor is it my friend's fault, but again. Mine.

End apology.